Twenty Eight: 12: Rumours

I always thought rumours were something people grew out of. Some people do. A lot of people don’t.

I deal with rumours often living & working for bars in a college town.

It’s a guaranteed flaw of most people you meet or work with there.

I dealt with rumours often growing up with a controlling parent & the church.

It’s a guaranteed flaw of most people who worship stateside.

Fear. Insecurities. Lusts. Some root causes. Just to name a few.

Rumours create instability & make the people sharing them feel better.

My parent & some friends spread rumours about me my entire life.

It almost felt endearing. Honestly.

They just wanted to make sure I didn’t succeed at being too good.

In their eyes, it was too difficult to love someone better than them.

I wanted to be loved, so I let it happen.

I even took my appreciation of rumours with me to college.

If some of my old family & friends loved me with lies,

some of my new family & friends should be allowed to do the same.

Unfortunately, what you let people say about you eventually rings true if you let too much of it in.

At some point, I couldn’t handle some of those things being true.

I couldn’t handle the potential of some things becoming true.

So, I took accountability & decided to change.

I remember the day I grew out of rumours.

I stopped caring about the ones involving me,

& I did my best to stop dealing them myself.

I couldn’t let shitty people continue to influence me.

I had to be better. I already was.

It’s really tempting to deal back a rumour,

or violently confront someone.

But lies & violence rarely work & take too much energy.

If you’re better than someone, you can count on the good.

I was in my mid-twenties when the last rumour I paid attention to got out of hand.

My normal response would have been a knot in my stomach & a rumour back.

But I just let it be.

I was the better person.

I didn’t have fear, insecurities, or lusts to worry about.

I handled relationships with authenticity & no secrets.

I had to count on me living honestly crush any lies.

Time & actions, not anxiety & words, worked wonders.

It was really fucking cool.

Experience positive change gave me confidence.

My new mentality & my new reactions reset my feelings & behaviours.

I became a new person - not burdened by or burdening others with lies.

I became invincible to the hate & negativity of other people.

I became one of the few to grow out of rumours.

I hope y’all can say the same.

Thankful.